When good enough isn’t enough

Unrelenting Standards Schema

When good enough isn’t enough
What is the Unrelenting Standards Schema?

What is the Unrelenting Standards Schema?

The unrelenting standards schema is a concept in schema therapy developed by Jeffrey Young. Individuals with this schema hold themselves to high, rigid standards that they feel they must meet, to avoid criticism, rejection or failure. While striving for excellence can be positive, the relentless pursuit of these standards often leads to anxiety, depression, burnout, and strained relationships. This schema can manifest in many ways, including:

  • Perfectionism: Individuals with this schema can set impossibly high standards for themselves and others.
  • Overachievement: Constantly striving to prove their worth through productivity and often seen as workaholism.
  • Hypercriticality: Overly critical of self and sometimes others and tend to focus on perceived shortcomings.

Coping Mechanisms

As individuals with Unrelenting Standards feel constant internal pressure to be perfect in all areas of their lives, they can develop certain defence mechanisms to cope with the overwhelming feelings and demands. While these strategies provide short-term solutions, they mask underlying vulnerabilities and can perpetuate the schema. Common strategies include:

  • Overcompensation: Individuals may try even harder to avoid feeling like they are not good enough. For example, they may push themselves to work excessively long hours or take on unrealistic commitments.
  • Avoidance: To protect themselves from potential failure, individuals may procrastinate or avoid tasks. While this may temporarily ease their anxiety, it often ends up making them feel less capable in the long run.
  • Denial: Individuals may ignore the physical or emotional stress caused by their high standards, convincing themselves that they are fine and can handle everything, even when struggling.
  • Projection: Individuals may project their unrelenting standards onto others, expecting perfection from coworkers, friends, or family, which can create tension and conflict.

The root causes of unrelenting Standards Schema?

Early maladaptive schemas, including the Unrelenting Standards Schema, often develop in childhood when a primary caregiver is not attuned to the child’s emotional and developmental needs. This particular schema typically forms due to the following key influences.

High Expectations and Conditional Love

In some cases, children grow up where achievement, performance or behaviour are prioritised above all else. The caregivers may have set exceptionally high standards, valuing success and discipline over fun, relaxation or emotional connection. As a result, the child learns that love and approval are conditional, and are only received when they meet or exceed expectations. Over time, this creates the belief that they must always strive for perfection to be worthy of love and acceptance.

Overly Critical Caregivers

This schema may develop when caregivers are overly critical. Instead of receiving encouragement, the child may have been frequently shamed for their mistakes or told they could do better. This leads to a persistent feeling of never being good enough, reinforcing the need to push harder and achieve more, as a way to avoid criticism and feelings of inadequacy.

Compensating for Feelings of Defectiveness

Sometimes this schema emerges to counteract feelings of defectiveness, whether related to social status, financial struggles, disabilities or other challenges within the family. Individuals may feel the need to overcompensate by excelling in certain areas, believing that hard work can counteract any perceived flaws.

Breaking the Cycle

Recognising the origins of the Unrelenting Standards Schema is the first step towards breaking free from it. By understanding that self-worth is not solely tied to achievement and that rest, relaxation and connection are just as valuable, individuals can begin to reshape their beliefs and develop a more balanced, self-compassionate approach to life.

Article by Andrea Mackay
Psychosocial Support Worker

COPE Centre of Psychological Enrichment
Visit us at 2 Lawrence Avenue, West Perth
📞 (08) 6556 6460
📧 [email protected]

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